Being the bigger person

What side will you choose
What side will you choose

We have all known people who, regardless of the situation, refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. They refuse to admit that they may have goofed up, and they’re always quick to point an accusing finger at others.

Many times these people tend to be boastful and arrogant. They’re quick to take sole credit for a successful project that was accomplished with the help of others. However, if there is problem, it suddenly becomes the fault of someone else.

It’s not their fault that they are stuck in a dead end job, that they have problems with substance abuse, or that nobody likes them.

If their life isn’t going as planned, they blame it on the dismal events that occurred during their childhood. They place blame on their spouse or on their children.

Some of these characters even turn violent against their loved ones out of frustration for their own perceived shortcomings. They mistakenly assume that if they divert blame onto others, it will make them look superior.

A closer look at the character qualities of these folks would reveal a person that is insecure and has little confidence in their own abilities. They feel that if they make a mistake that warrants the disapproval of others, they are losers: that their value as a human being has somehow been diminished.

In reality, mistakes are a way of life. We all make mistakes occasionally – sometimes, significant mistakes. Mistakes should be treated as a learning opportunity.

If you make a mistake that affects others, expect them to be upset with you. Remember what your parents always told you: “I’m not upset at you. I’m upset at what you did.

Translation: “I’m not judging your value as a human being. You’re of no lesser value to me. I am only judging the particular incident where you goofed up.”

As one with a person who takes the higher road mentality, if you make a mistake you will expect to receive some level of disapproval for your actions. However, you won’t feel rejected as a human being because of it.

An important aspect of having a mentality is to accept responsibility for your actions. Don’t allow past incidents to muddle your plans for reaching your goals. And, if you find that you falter from time to time, accept responsibility. Take a deep breath, and forge ahead.

The secret to having successful relationships in your life, with your family and friends, and at work, is to understand that no one person is perfect – not even you.

When you’re experiencing problems at work, could it be that you’re not working as effectively as you should be? Is your attitude to blame?

If you’re having problems with your spouse or significant other, consider your behavior and actions. Who is the antagonist in the situation? You or them?

If you’re not doing well in school, do you find yourself blaming your teachers? Consider what your role in this particular situation might be. Are you studying as hard as you should?

Much of your success in life truly boils down to attitude. If you have a “woe is me” attitude, you may discover your path in life to be considerably rockier than one whose attitude is positive.

As a black belt, you can change and grow as you see fit. However, you must accept those things that you cannot change and accept them as a challenge. Don’t allow yourself to sink to the level that allows you to blame others for your shortcomings.

On the other side of the coin, you will, of course, run into people that feel that they must criticize you. These are negative people that are quick to judge, and quick to place blame.

When you are on the receiving end of such criticism, it’s important that you weigh the validity of their words. Accept the criticism for what it is. If it is justified, then admit to the error of your ways and work to correct your mistakes. However, if it is merely a difference of opinion, than accept that as well.

Don’t allow yourself to take it personally. The world is made up of a wide range of opinions and views. It does not mean that they are right and you are wrong. It merely proves that, once again, people are different and have different ideas that may cause them to express words of disapproval.

With the good  attitude, you know you will make mistakes, and that you should never feel rejected based on criticism. With the right attitude, people learn and prosper through their mistakes.

One more note should be considered when it comes to placing and accepting blame. In your lifetime you will, more than likely, experience a riff in an important relationship. They happen. The involved parties often feel that the fault lies with the other party. If left untreated, valued relationships can be destroyed forever.

If you experience such a situation with members of your family, or with friends, and these relationships are of value to you – then, it’s time to be the bigger person and display your attitude of friendship and love.

Swallow your pride, lay down your arms, and be the first to apologize for the differences that you have experienced. It’s not necessary to apologize for something that you didn’t do, simply “agree to disagree”. That one act of goodwill could possibly save your relationship, and save you from years of regret.

It is a philosophy is to busy yourself with mending any fences that you have broken with your family and friends. Families, in particular, make up the very core of our lives.

In fact, your ability to mend fences with your parents and siblings reflects positively on own family. Doing so sets an example for your own children to follow in times of strife.

As one with a black belt attitude, you are big enough to overcome any quarrel or misunderstandings you may have with your family members.

One Comment on “Being the bigger person

  1. Great article. I will certainly work on some of these aspects. Thank you Sir.

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